


A Twilight Halloween OR The Perils of the Petite Vampire

by silenth



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27052906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenth/pseuds/silenth
Summary: It's October 20 and the Cullens are shopping for Halloween costumes. After several decades of Halloweens, how do they decide what to be this year? Mostly Jasper/Alice, some Rosalie/Emmett, and a lot of goofy (and slightly smutty) fun.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	A Twilight Halloween OR The Perils of the Petite Vampire

1990

It was a beautiful Saturday in October - the sort of Indian summer sunshine that called almost everyone out of their houses in short sleeves for one last long hike, sail, bike ride. At the Cullens' home, however, Alice, Edward, Rosalie, and Jasper were sequestered in the living room working on various projects. The living room at this particular residence in upstate New York was on the second floor of the house and Emmett's head would appear periodically in the open window as he bounced on the trampoline in the yard.

"Is he planning on doing that all day?" Jasper asked, looking up from the 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle of Jackson Pollock's _Convergence_ that he and Edward were working on. 

He was looking at Rosalie, but she was doing Alice's calculus homework and didn't respond. (Alice was fully capable of doing it herself but Rosalie loved calculus so much that she had done all their homework in that subject for decades. "It's so _satisfying_ ," she sighed when she finished yet another semester.)

Edward answered instead. "Yes, he spent the whole night working on the geometry for that stunt again."

Jasper and Edward exchanged skeptical thoughts without looking at each other. Emmett's latest obsession was trying to bounce from the trampoline on one side of the Cullen's house, clear the entire roof, and land on the trampoline on the other side. 

There was a bang and a crash as he landed on the side of the house and clung to the windowsill. "Hey, one of you should get the video camera and come record me!"

No one moved. "If you go through the roof this time, Carlisle will make you fix it and he already told us we won't be allowed to help you again," Jasper said, one hand lazily stroking Alice's arm as she curled up against him speed-reading a novel for her Spanish class.

"I am not going to go through the roof," Emmett growled. "I worked out all the angles this time!"

"I'll come and out record you in a minute, babe," Rosalie told him. "I'm almost done."

"No, you won't," Alice finally spoke up, pointing at the stairs to the third floor. A moment later, Esme appeared, floating down to the living room as ethereally as ever, wearing--

"It's October 20!" chirped the huge dragonfly in Esme's voice. "Have we decided on a costume theme for this year?" 

"Oh, Jesus, no!" Emmett yelped, clapping his hands over his face. They heard another crash as he plummeted to the ground. "Not bugs again!" His voice came back through the window.

Esme winced. "Emmett, my apologies." She pushed her mask depicting two large multifaceted blue eyes and a strangely friendly dragonfly mouth up to the top of her head. "It's gone now. Are you all right?" 

"Yes." His voice rose back up. A moment later, he bounced back up to the windowsill, pulling himself in and sitting in the armchair furthest from Esme, wincing. "Sorry, Esme, but that thing would give me nightmares if I ever slept." 

Emmett had a thing about bug eyes and when he saw Esme in her dragonfly costume back in 1986, he had freaked and vanished for three days. This was the same man who had once wore such a disturbing Satan costume that he emptied a room full of party-goers in two minutes and nearly caused an evangelical church to declare the end of days had come on Halloween (Carlisle had intervened and resolved everything). As Alice put it later, "Who knew you could show him a five-foot-six dragonfly and he would lose his mind?"

"Couldn't we re-use something from one of the non-insect years?" Rosalie asked, coming to sit on the arm of Emmett's chair. Alice stored all their costumes in one of the family's immaculate, temper-controlled storage units and they certainly had enough to pick from. 

"I concur," Edward threw in.

"Dude, it doesn't matter to you, you're always a freaking ghost anyway!"

"Exactly," Rosalie agreed with her husband. "If we all have to dress up for Carlisle, why does Edward get away with being a ghost every year?"

"We don't speak of that," Esme intervened, casting her sympathetic gaze on Edward as he stared at the ceiling. The vaguest allusion to 1973, the year preceding Edward's ghost edict, made everyone picture the same image, which meant he had it beamed into his head from all of their consciousnesses at once. 

"And to be fair," Jasper added, "sometimes he does allow Alice to select his costume and he simply puts a sheet on over it."

Esme frowned. "Regardless of our individual traumas, entomological or otherwise, you all know how much Carlisle adores Halloween. If we don't pick out new costumes for the hospital's costume gala this year, he'll be so disappointed." The huge opalescent wings attached to her back quivered as she folded her arms and fixed her gentle stare on them. 

That was the sneaky thing about Esme - you came into the family thinking she was the easy one, a sweet little marshmallow, but she was so damn welcoming and _good_ , it killed you inside to know you disappointed her in any way. 

Edward was the first to break. "Of course we will, Esme." 

"We'll go to that really nice secondhand store," Rosalie added, looping her arm through Emmett's and lifting him with her as she rose. Emmett nodded and averted his eyes from Esme's wings as they left, still shuddering a little. 

That left Esme with Jasper and Alice. She eyed them curiously - Alice was usually as enthusiastic about Halloween as Carlisle was. She and Jasper dressed in elaborate costumes every year, dutifully posing for pictures with the family before making an appearance at the Halloween balls the Cullens always sponsored at the hospitals where Carlisle worked.

But now she was slumped and silent beside Jasper on the floor. He looked at Esme and shook his head slightly - apparently he wasn't sure what the issue was either, or he knew and wasn't ready to tell her. Jasper was the last to confide in the family if he or Alice were having difficulties, preferring to try and deal with it on his own for as long as possible. "Alice, do you have any theme ideas this year? Or should we dress individually?" Esme prodded.

Alice stared blankly at the rug, flipping through her visions to see if she had any impressions of what would happen on Halloween night. "I don't have any thoughts on that yet. So individually, I suppose," she finally sighed. Esme and Jasper waited. She sighed again. "All right, let's go." 

Esme beamed at them as they passed her and Alice softened enough to tell her it was still a gorgeous costume. "That was a classic year, Esme. Classic."

In the car, Jasper glanced from person to person, carefully taking their emotional temperatures. Rosalie was slightly pissed about something - standard. Emmett was disappointed (no doubt over the lack of trampoline time) but excited (probably the prospect of dressing room hijinks with Rosalie). Edward was morose and resigned to his fate - again, standard. And Alice...

"Alice, it's bad enough we have to put up with Edward pouting about 1973, but what crawled up your ass and died?" Rosalie finally asked as she sped along the highway. The good secondhand store was 50 miles away but Alice had always insisted it was worth the trip because they had the best clothes and it was so clean. 

When Alice simply sat in the middle of the back seat, arms folded, and refused to respond, Edward sighed. He stuck his finger in his book to hold his place as he flipped it closed. "She's still angry about Emmett telling her yesterday that she should be Tinkerbell."

"Edward," Alice hissed.

"Well, you should be!" Emmett insisted, trying to muffle his laughter. "You look like a fairy! Why don't you be a fairy?"

Alice crawled over and squeezed between Jasper and the door, her gaze determinedly fixed out the window and her jaw as hard as a rock.

"You know she hates that," Jasper told Emmett in a low voice.

"I can't help what she looks like!"

"I LOOK LIKE A HUMAN WOMAN," Alice screamed at the top of her lungs. Rosalie jumped and the car jerked in response. "Just because I am short," she said in a more measured tone, "does not mean I want to be a fucking fairy." 

Jasper carefully patted her shoulder and sent out very subtle calming vibes, just a whiff rather than a cloud. (He had learned that the hard way over the years - sometimes people _wanted_ to be upset.) 

The rest of the ride passed in conspicuous silence. "You would think if anyone was going to hold a grudge, it'd be Edward over 1973," Emmett said as Rosalie finally parked the car. 

"We all took an oath not to speak of it!" Edward growled.

(In 1973, Alice's theme idea was to have them all dress as different 20th century advertising mascots. Jasper was the Marlboro Man, Alice was Miss Chiquita Banana, and Carlisle was Count Chocula, which Esme seemed to _really_ enjoy if their early disappearance from the hospital's party was any indication. Emmett cut up a wig and glued it on his face to go as Colonel Sanders and Esme was Betty Crocker, which wasn't much different from her regular clothing at the time. Rosalie insisted, as she sometimes did, on wearing something that subverted the male gaze and went as Indira Gandhi, which ruined the entire theme, according to Alice. They didn't speak for three days. 

Meanwhile, Alice had convinced Edward to dress as Mayor McCheese. The events that followed were never documented in the family's diaries or journals and they had sworn on November 1, 1973, to allow them to become lost to history.)

They donned jackets with hoods for the walk from the sunny parking lot into the store, and as they walked inside and shed them, Jasper glanced around. The store was pretty deserted, likely due to the weather, and the elderly store employees were chatting in a group by the cash registers. 

"Can we help you?" one of them asked, shoving her glasses up her nose. 

"Halloween costumes," Rosalie said. "We're going to a party so we need something nice."

"We have a lovely selection of prom dresses or wedding gowns, if you'd like to go as a bride, dear. Wouldn't she make a lovely bride?"

 _Only fifteen times and counting,_ Jasper thought and slid away to examine the shoe racks at the front of the store as Rosalie and Emmett marched over to the prom/wedding section, hand-in-hand.

Another old women had caught a glimpse of Alice. "Oh, you are just the sweetest little thing! She would make the most adorable fairy - what's that fairy, Linda? You know, that little cute one from those movies?" In a flash, they all gathered around Alice, exclaiming over how adorable and tiny and sweet she was. 

Jasper winced and watched out of the corner in the eye. Edward, going through the used book section, was doing the same as surreptitiously as he could. Jasper sent out what Emmett called the "fuck off unless you want to die" special, guaranteed to clear a room in ten seconds or less, and the old women scattered. Alice flounced over to him and took his hand, squeezing so hard she could have turned human bones to powder.

Jasper kept his face still, placed his other hand on that soft spot where her neck met her shoulder. When she relaxed, he feathered his fingers over the brief fall of hair on the nape of her neck before pressing into the knots on either side of her spine. 

The day before, he had been waiting for Alice outside the bathroom at school while she washed her hands. She couldn't stand the lingering smell of chemicals from her science class. He tuned his mind idly to the emotions of the students passing by - bored. Angry. Horny. Jealous. Exhausted. Horny. Gleeful. Horny. Depressed. Horny. _Save me from teenage hormones,_ he thought.

Then a spike of sadness inside the bathroom caught his attention. He was more attuned to Alice than anyone, could pick up her feelings from miles away when they did experiments on it. He stared at the door intently, aware the other students passing him by would consider it creepy, and felt the bright fireworks burst that signified a gleeful sort of cattiness. It was particular to a certain kind of adolescent, both boys and girls, fueled by jealousy and schadenfreude and the twisted unity that came from gossiping about people in locker rooms or bathrooms. 

A group of laughing girls emerged - he didn't bother to learn names, Edward knew them all anyway - and then, a minute later, Alice. She had been her usual self when she went in the bathroom but she emerged quieter, staring down at her shoes. 

They were supposed to be having lunch, but he found an empty classroom and pulled her inside. "Tell me." They sat cross-legged facing each other on the teacher's desk. 

She ignored him for a moment, playing with the fabric on her retro plaid bell bottoms. He grabbed her hand, twisting her rings around her finger like he had done a thousand times before, an old gesture that meant _I love you._

"It's nothing, really. They were just saying how you could do so much better than me because I'm _flat_ ," Alice blurted, gesturing at her chest, "and not a _real woman_ and you're probably a homosexual because you only date girls who look like little boys." 

Jasper gave thanks for his perfect recall. He could describe the girls to Edward when he got home and they would go to their house with Emmett and do -- well, whatever humans did now in retaliation for such offenses. Damage the tires of their vehicles and throw paper products in their trees? He believed those were the current customs. 

He pulled Alice into his lap and kissed her hard. "Your self esteem isn't so low to be affected by that, is it?" he teased her. 

"No," she laughed, scratching at the back of his neck with her nails as he continued to dot butterfly kisses over her face. "It's only... I do get jealous sometimes. I hate that so many people see me the way they do. Getting called Kitten or Little Miss all the time. It would be wonderful to be, I don't know, five foot seven for a day." She scowled. "What is a real woman, anyway?"

"If I've learned anything about humanity after all this time, it's that women come in all shapes and sizes and colors, with and without breasts (not that you're _without_ breasts), with or without vulvas, come to that. There is no 'real woman.' But I understand what it's like not to like something about the way you look." He glanced at one of the deeper scars, high on his arm, where a particular vicious newborn had sunk her teeth until Jasper had destroyed her. Alice grimaced and bent her head to kiss it. 

"I hate what they remind you of, but I adore your scars." She ran her hand over his arm. "They're sexy."

"And I love your height," he countered. "I have been enslaved by all fifty-eight inches of you, darlin'. Any more would destroy me." 

"But you can hide them from most people," she retorted. "I can hardly hide this." 

"Hmm. What if we bargain - you can dress me in something ridiculously revealing this year," Alice raised her eyebrows, her hands sliding around on his hips, "like, I don't know, a gladiator, and you can borrow Emmett's stilts for the night."

The cashiers on top of the teenage girls at school had clearly put her in a poor disposition. She flipped over a bright blue pair of Converse sneakers to examine the soles - Carlisle had a soft spot for bold colors when the hospital had casual dress days - but her usual enthusiasm for clothes shopping was sorely lacking. Jasper wracked his brain, trying to think of some way to cheer his wife up when Rosalie appeared at the end of the aisle and gestured to him. 

He squeezed Alice's hand again and twirled her as he stepped away and Rosalie gave him a sympathetic look. "Emmett's going to apologize," she murmured as she dragged him over to a rack of clothes. "He didn't mean to upset her. And I was thinking - we are twins." Her eyes and her mind were both full of mischief. Edward was watching them out of the corner of his eye with a curious smile on his face. "We could do a themed costume, just the two of us, couldn't we, brother?"

She reached into the rack of clothes and pulled out a handful of hangers. She held one up to him, careful to angle it so Alice couldn't look over and see. Jasper's eyes lit up too. "This is perfect," he told her, thinking of his promise. 

A few moments later, Alice looked up from a pair of red Mary Janes to see a statuesque, wild-haired blonde in leather pants and a partially buttoned blue jean shirt. "Rosalie?" she questioned, running her eyes down to the sparkly gold stiletto sandals and back up to the heavy gold chains that teased glimpses of her mostly exposed breasts. "Oh, Rose, I love it!"

"Don't you?" Rosalie preened a little, tossing her hair out of her face to show the messy dark eyeliner scrawled around her eyes. "Back to the '70s, huh?"

"Yes, it's so Debbie Harry." Alice adored the rock and roll fashion icons of the 1970s, especially David Bowie, Stevie Nicks, and her beloved Cher. She had sent Bob Mackie sketches anonymously and three of her designs had made it onto Cher's variety show. It was her first big success in designing for anyone outside the family and she still had a soft spot for the era.

"Halle-damn-lu-jah, they are!" Emmett bounded over. He had found an old mod-style suit jacket that strained over his massive shoulders. Alice winced at what he was doing to the fabric, but she figured she could make the alterations he needed. After he lifted Rosalie up and spun her around a few times, he placed her back down and leaned over to Alice. "Sorry, Alice, my mouth runs away with me sometimes. You know I'm terrified of you, don't you?"

Alice couldn't help but soften -- it was easy to get mad at Emmett but it was equally hard to stay mad. He was simply too much fun, the whole family relied on his lightheartedness to counterbalance the darkness that some of them carried too heavily at times. "You should be." Alice tossed her head haughtily. "I am the scariest one, you know."

"Whatever you wear, you and Rosie are going to be the most scary-beautiful women at this thing. That does look damn perfect on you, beautiful."

"Not as perfect as what my twin brother's wearing," Rosalie laughed, and curled her finger to call Alice closer. "He's in the middle dressing room," she whispered. "He wanted you to see it first."

The dressing rooms were at the back of the store, all vacant except for the middle one. She pulled it open just enough for her to slip inside and immediately she gasped and pressed her hand to her heart. _"Jasper!"_

Jasper leaned against the wall of the dressing room and relished surprising her. Her eyes were golden moons and as Esme liked to say, if her ring was in her mouth, she would have swallowed it. "Rosalie found it." He ran his hands down his sides and threw his hair back. "Do you like it?"

A second later he got his answer-- a very excited, wriggling Alice glued to his face, running her hands all over his mostly exposed chest. She was torn between kissing and touching every inch of him and examining the fabric and Jasper couldn't help laughing as her exuberance flooded the tiny space. 

He was wearing a one-piece jumpsuit obviously modeled in the style of the striped one David Bowie had worn in his Ziggy Stardust persona. He left the zipper on the front undone to mid-chest, and had teased his blonde hair into waves around his face, as Rosalie had instructed in urgent whispers through the door. "You look like David Bowie, but _better_ ," Alice moaned between urgent kisses. "Ooh, and this is authentic from the '70s. I _loved_ the '70s." She twisted her head around to peer at the tag as her other hand slid lower and lower down his body.

He had her against the wall now, the jumpsuit in danger of ripping as she tugged it further off his shoulders and affixed her mouth to his muscles. 

"Who's going to win the costume contest this year?" he asked, boosting her higher and unbuttoning her shirt with his teeth (and fuck those schoolgirls again, her small breasts were so unbelievably sexy. He was always relieved they stuck to cold climates and he didn't have to watch her dance around school in a thin t-shirt, her permanently hard nipples poking through the fabric and driving him insane). 

She watched him with sparkling eyes as she somehow managed to take her pants off without untwining her legs from his waist. "Oh, you are, baby. If I'd known androgyny was your look, I'd have broken out the eyeliner and - _ah_ \- glitter twenty years ago," she moaned rapturously as her head slammed against the wall with the first thrust of his hips against hers. They both felt the foundation of the building shake and Jasper sucked harder on her neck to keep some semblance of control.

"Now we just have to prepare the world for you on 15 foot high stilts," he muttered against her skin.

Alice realized later, one of the many good things about being four-foot-ten is it's a lot easier to ravish your beautiful husband in a tiny dressing room.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Halloween! Eat your weight in sugar, mask up, and stay safe out there.


End file.
